sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
