Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
