he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
