I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
