You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
