areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
