i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
