Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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