just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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