k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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