you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
