go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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