hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
