I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
