So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
