The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
