Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
