my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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