Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
