I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
