i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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