can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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