i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize