he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
