My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that's an acceptable place to lick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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