What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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