they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
