maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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