what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I lost the right to judge tonight
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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