Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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