Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
