Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
