Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize