How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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