Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
