I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
