and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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