I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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