threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had to cum in my sink.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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