I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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