I think my vagina is haunted
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
