3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
