From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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