what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
