dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
