just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
