I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
