I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
