good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
