Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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