...so i touched it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
