his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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