i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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