Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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