I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
