I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
