Porn is love you can see.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
