How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
