sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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