i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
