I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
