girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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