Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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