Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
