I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
