Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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