I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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