Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
