At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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