my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
