ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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