So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
