see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
