a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
