I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
