um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize