This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
