There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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