a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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