I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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