Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize