He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
