remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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