I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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