just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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