the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
