Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
