the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
