I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
