I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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