just come out here and I will go home with you...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
