you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
