Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize