You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
