tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
